In
my previous blog, I defended the idea that love does not hurt. I even said that
to believe that love hurts is all false and full of exaggeration. My heart is
certain that it is failure to truly love that hurts. And I won’t change this belief. And for this blog, I say suffering goes with love.
Let
me begin with a simple question, have you ever felt so worried about the people
you love so much? If I am a husband for example, I’m worried about my sick
wife for not knowing what’s going to happen to her. Or if I’m a parent and my child
is sick, I’m worried too for sure. And many more other scenarios like a boyfriend
worried about his girlfriend and vice versa, a friend to his friends, a brother
to his sister and so on and so forth. I can even try to use the word concern
instead of worry, since the latter seems to connote a negative feeling.
But it still boils down to one thing; it’s a feeling of suffering in one way or the other.
A
person who cares is concerned with the one he or she loves. There is worry in
his or her heart if a thought that something bad might happen. It is but
normal, that a girlfriend is afraid about her boyfriend who might be courting
another girl; this is not by the way a feeling of plain jealousy or having no
trust in him, but rather a fear of losing him. Or perhaps, a guy whose girlfriend
is the most pretty in their neighborhood, and he’s feeling so anxious that she
might go with another guy. In general
therefore, when one is in love, there is this kind of feeling of suffering. Now what’s the difference
between hurt and suffering, you might ask? That is exactly what I’m trying to do here
in this blog,
to differentiate suffering from hurt and in the process explain the idea that suffering goes with love.
I don’t know if it is true with you and even with others, but in my experience, the feeling of fear of losing the ones I love does not hurt me, but rather it brings me an experience of suffering. It is undeniably true that the people I love someday will leave me, or I will leave them behind when death comes. Just a thought of losing them makes me suffer. Life is short, it is said, and death is certain. I will not be forever with them or them with me. I have fear of death. My love for them makes me fear death. And this feeling of fear is a kind of suffering to me. Oh, I’m sorry, I sound very personal here…
I
remember a story of a girl who is so in love with her boyfriend, but because of
lack of trust in him, the girl decided to breakup with the guy because she
thought he was cheating on her. Of course the breakup pained her so much and
the guy too. But just shortly after few weeks, the girl realized that she is
still in love with the guy. The problem however, after what the girl did to the
guy, the latter courted another girl not because he loved her but because he
wanted to revenge. Now, there are three
people who are continually hurt here, the guy and his new girl, though she is
not aware of it yet, and the first girl who broke up with the guy. What hurt
them? Two factors, first it was the lack of trust of the first girlfriend that
brought the pain and hurt. There was failure to love on the part of the first
girl that happened. And it was this failure that hurt them. Second, it was the guy’s failure to love truly
and so he used the other girl to revenge.
I
want to do a fast craft, now the girl (the first girlfriend) is so sorry for
what she did to the guy. She has learned a lesson to what happened. Months
passed by, and the pain is still there. Until finally, she made a decision to
start accepting that the relationship has finally ended. She still loves the guy, but she has learned
to accept the breakup. And so every time she would see the guy spending time with
his new girlfriend, she would feel sad and lonely, but she thought it’s the
price of her mistake. Her love for the guy is still there, but it is more
mature now. I call this feeling of
acceptance with sadness or even with loneliness sometimes, a suffering.
On the other hand, the guy, who could not let go and
forgive, and just continued to use the other girl for revenge, his heart is
filled with pain and hurt. What the guy is experiencing is not suffering since it is revenge and not
love that pushed him to do this. It is only hurt and pain. And so, when love is
true though not perfect, there is suffering
that goes with it, but it is filled with purpose and meaning. But false
lovers will continue to hurt themselves and so live in pain.Finally, to cite a few more instances of suffering I would just like to use my experiences. When I see my wife cries, it makes me cry too. When a realization that I am not able to provide my family the life they deserve, it makes me cry even more. In other words, I can't help but suffer with the ones I love simply because I love them so much...
Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.
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